My son has had to deal with disappointment and rejection from his father for more than 7 years. He is 15 now and for the past 7 years I have watched his emotional state closely because the seriousness of his anger and disappointment have caused him to speak of not wanting to life and wondering what the point is of living. I phoned Professor Laurence Schlebusch a few years ago because his depression at that time was very serious. Prof told me to take those kinds of threats seriously.

I have tried on many occasions to have a reasonable discussion with his father about this, his father refuses to listen to me and blames my son and I for his condition.

I have watched my son desperately trying to please his dad, have some fun with him and be affirmed by him. Each time he comes home from his father, he has a desperate crying episode. I feel absolutely helpless and have often phoned my brother to help me talk my son through the worst. For days after that I worry about what I will find when I come home from work.

I have been astounded at the maturity of my son, trying to understand his father and how to react to him. I amazes me that a teenager shows this enormous wisdom and maturity, but the adult in the equation is not able to do so. I have often appealed to his father to just affirm my son, speak to him nicely and respect him. The father refuses to take this first step, he says it must come from his son first. My opinion is that the adult should be the role model for the child first.

The latest episode has left my son far too calm. His father has told him a serious lie. He did not need to lie, it does not matter to us what choices his father makes, where he goes or how he spends his money. What matters is not to make promises he does not keep and pretend not to have funds for something when he does.

He had been promising him a computer for three years now. My son and I have given up. I am going to use an overdraft facility to get him his much needed computer.

After this latest lie, I cannot any longer try to encourage my son to see his dad. I have wanted him to accept his dad as he is without judgement, now it is not possible. I will no longer encourage him to see a man who is a liar and who constantly disappoints puts my son down and refuses to affirm him or acknowledge his absolutely wonderful good points.

My son has suddenly become highly motivated at school, very tidy, he helps around the house by cooking, packing and unpacking the dishwasher, washing and hanging up our clothes, making his bed. He has a very clever sense of humour, he is kind, thoughtful and generous. He thanks me all the time. He teases me and treats me with absolute respect (except when he is teasing!).

His father is making choices in his life that excludes him from getting to know this stunning boy who is developing into an absolutely wonderful adult.

The Teenage Listener: First Post

Two years ago my son became a teenager. One year ago, I was hit by the beginning of male teenage testosterone going rampant. I did not know what hit me and when I complained to friends and family with boys of the same age, they all agreed. One year later my son is now very much taller than me, much louder, knows much more and has a lot more experience and wisdom than I do. I have suddenly become very old and stupid, almost doddery, according to him. I no longer know when he is affectionately teasing me and when he is being disrespectful and rude to me. I am confused and way out of my depth.

In October 2010, I bought two gorgeous Miniature Doberman's. I was given a book called" The Dog Listener" by Jan Fennels. What a great method she has developed to train dogs. Truly. I followed her method and in two weeks my "babies" were well trained. I am the leader of this pack. They listen to me, love me and trust me as their leader. They even have a space on their puppy mats to wee and poo, and that is where that happens. So good. It's easy to love such well behaved dogs, no problem.

So, this method got me thinking about becoming a "Teenage Listener", about also becoming an expert like Jan Fennels. That is developing a method as the teenage listener so that my teenager can be lovable, well trained, respectful and know the leader of the pack which is me. Well, it's not working. So, I decided to start this blog to see if there were any experts on teenagers who have developed a method to deal with them.

Seeing as teenagers know it all, have all the insight and wisdom needed in our world, perhaps they could put some light on it for us and help us to develop a method that will enable us to understand them and deal with them?

Please join me in this quest to find the answer.

Why do they start smoking when they have seen grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles etc, getting emphysema and dying from the effects of smoking?

Why do they experiment with alcohol so young?

Why do they drink and drive when they are 18 year old teenagers?

The questions are endless. Why do they do what they do when they know it all anyway?

Let us know if you have any answers.