My son has had to deal with disappointment and rejection from his father for more than 7 years. He is 15 now and for the past 7 years I have watched his emotional state closely because the seriousness of his anger and disappointment have caused him to speak of not wanting to life and wondering what the point is of living. I phoned Professor Laurence Schlebusch a few years ago because his depression at that time was very serious. Prof told me to take those kinds of threats seriously.
I have tried on many occasions to have a reasonable discussion with his father about this, his father refuses to listen to me and blames my son and I for his condition.
I have watched my son desperately trying to please his dad, have some fun with him and be affirmed by him. Each time he comes home from his father, he has a desperate crying episode. I feel absolutely helpless and have often phoned my brother to help me talk my son through the worst. For days after that I worry about what I will find when I come home from work.
I have been astounded at the maturity of my son, trying to understand his father and how to react to him. I amazes me that a teenager shows this enormous wisdom and maturity, but the adult in the equation is not able to do so. I have often appealed to his father to just affirm my son, speak to him nicely and respect him. The father refuses to take this first step, he says it must come from his son first. My opinion is that the adult should be the role model for the child first.
The latest episode has left my son far too calm. His father has told him a serious lie. He did not need to lie, it does not matter to us what choices his father makes, where he goes or how he spends his money. What matters is not to make promises he does not keep and pretend not to have funds for something when he does.
He had been promising him a computer for three years now. My son and I have given up. I am going to use an overdraft facility to get him his much needed computer.
After this latest lie, I cannot any longer try to encourage my son to see his dad. I have wanted him to accept his dad as he is without judgement, now it is not possible. I will no longer encourage him to see a man who is a liar and who constantly disappoints puts my son down and refuses to affirm him or acknowledge his absolutely wonderful good points.
My son has suddenly become highly motivated at school, very tidy, he helps around the house by cooking, packing and unpacking the dishwasher, washing and hanging up our clothes, making his bed. He has a very clever sense of humour, he is kind, thoughtful and generous. He thanks me all the time. He teases me and treats me with absolute respect (except when he is teasing!).
His father is making choices in his life that excludes him from getting to know this stunning boy who is developing into an absolutely wonderful adult.
